Fight for your spark Fight for your flame Fight for your fire Fight against the darkness Fight against the hold Fight against the demons Fight to be safe Fight to be whole Fight to be happy Fight to free your warrior Fight to free your wings Fight to free yourself Fight and learn to fly Fight and learn to soar Fight and learn to dream Fight because I need you to Fight because you want to Fight because you need to Fight with the strength I know is in you Fight like the spitfire I know you are Fight, baby girl, just start the fight
Strong is beautiful. I have been posting this every time I check in for a workout at my gym. I post this to remind me that I am becoming stronger physically with each visit. I post this to remind myself that my body is strong, even if it is not the right shape or size according to societies standards. I post this to remind myself that I am now able to do things that I wasn’t able even four months ago, and that my mind pushes me to keep going when I want to take a break. I post this to remind myself that this makes me feel better, and that my soul is able to release negative energy with each punch and kick. Lately though, I feel the words speaking to me on a deeper level. I hear my inner warrior goddess shouting in joy, because she knows that I am finally living this mantra with my mind, body, and soul.
When I began my journey to getting fit I admit it was to get “skinny” because I did not like what I saw in the mirror. I was ashamed of my stomach, of my thighs, of my arms, and just about every other part of me. I thought that it was my body that made me undesirable to a man who said he loved me. It was the way I looked that kept him from touching me when I needed it most in my life. When I made the choice to start taking care of me, which meant getting active, I began to feel the shift in my image of me. With each step I took, I felt the self doubt begin to fall away. With each step I took, I felt the shame start to melt away. Then I found a place that pushed me with every thirty minute workout and my reason for getting fit began to shift too. With each punch, I was able to beat back the demons who told me I was fat. With each kick, I was able to feel the strength over the warrior inside of me. With each visit I became stronger and stronger physically, but the warrior goddess inside me became stronger and stronger too. With each visit I believed more and more that strong is beautiful.
As the body grew stronger, the warrior goddess grew stronger and she began to strengthen my mind. She began to change the narrative that had been running on repeat for many years. She began to cage the demons that controlled the narratives. She began to open my eyes to all the things that made me strong. I began to embrace the strength of the power of my mind. I began to embrace the strength that the warrior goddess had always known was inside of me, by changing my narratives. I began to embrace the strength, when I spoke my truth by speaking my mind. I began to embrace the strength, when positive thoughts were the focus. I began to embrace the strength, when I began to believe not only with my mind and body, but with my soul that strong is beautiful.
My soul has been battered. My soul has been beaten. My soul has been attacked by those that said they loved me. My soul has stood up each and every time and said we got this. My soul has kept going and pushed me forward, even when my mind and body wanted to curl up and be done. My soul has been my wings to raise me from the ashes. My soul has overcome it all. Yet, I did not know that it was my soul that has always been so strong. I did not know that my soul has always know the truth. I did not know that if I had only listened to my soul I would have seen my strength sooner. I did not know this until I also made my mind and body strong. I did not know this until I saw strength in me on many levels. I did not know this until I started to hear the warrior goddess in me speak the truth. I did not know this until my body felt strong and my mind sounded strong. Only then did I hear my soul say, strong is beautiful.
I am strong. My body is strong. My mind is strong. My soul is strong. I am no longer afraid. I am no longer ashamed of my body. I am no longer controlled by my demons. I am no longer denying my strength. I embrace my strong body. I am embrace my strong mind. I embrace my strong soul. Strong is beautiful.
Balance is the ability to evenly distribution weight in order for someone or something to remain upright and steady. Balance can often feel allusive to me when I am not mindful of just how I am feeling. Balance often feels like this picture to me, with me on the bottom trying to hold it all up on my shoulders. Balance is hard to find on some days when you are a full time single mom, a teacher, an activist, a friend, single and looking woman, and a warrior goddess, but always the goal.
Being able to recognize when things are becoming overwhelming and step back has been huge in helping me keep my balance. I know the signs that I have lost my balance or am dangerously close to doing so. I know that irritability is my body saying you need to let go of that what I cannot control. I know that fatigue is my body saying slow down and rest. I know that foggy brain is my body saying you have way to many things your are trying to control. I know that aches mean I need to move my body in exercise to release negative energy. I know all this because I have learned to listen to my body and take the steps to heal. This is balance.
Putting my needs first is still a struggle, because for to many years to count I always put myself towards the bottom. Putting others needs before my own kept me off balance for years and allowed the demons to remain in control. I am a nurturer to my core, but I didn’t nurture my own soul. I gave love to so many, but yet I didn’t give love to my own soul. I wanted others to be happy, but I didn’t do things to make my soul happy. Then my warrior broke free and I realized that if I nurture my soul, love myself first, and do what makes me happy, that those around me will still get what they need from me, but amplified. That by taking care of me, I am taking care of them. I know listen to my soul, and the warrior is in control. This is balance.
My mind swirls with how much I need to do to keep everything balanced. My mind spins with jumble of things that need my attention. My mind is tired after a day at work, but knows there is still so much more to do for that day. My mind is exhausted at the end of the week, but knows I have do more on the weekend. Yet, my mind craves conversation that stirs new thoughts and ideas. My mind longs for laughter with friends to counter the stress of the week. My mind desires to hear words of passion. My mind even when exhausted seeks out more to stimulate it to counter the drain. This is balance.
Finding balance allows us to to be aware of our mind, body, and soul so that we can grow into our true authentic selves. Finding balance allows us to be true to our spirit. Finding balance allows us to take care of our bodies. Finding balance allows us to keep our mind to focus on what needs to be done and find ways to give it a break. Finding balance allows our warrior souls to remain in charge and the demons in cages. Finding balance is hard, but it can be done. Finding balance takes practice, but it can be done. Finding balance may hit obstacles, but it can be done. Finding balance allows you to clear your mind and enjoy the moments. Finding balance allows your body to heal and gives you energy. Finding balance allows your soul to find calm and frees you to love yourself and others authentically. Finding balance allows you to grow in all areas of life. Find your balance and grow. Find your balance.
Through the cracks, the self doubt drips.
Through the cracks, the frustration flows.
Through the cracks, anger announces an opening.
Through the cracks, the anxiety attracts the demons.
Through the cracks, fear feeds the demons.
Through the cracks, the demon Not Worthy watches with a smile.
Through the cracks, the demon Not Good Enough enjoys my pain.
Through the cracks, the demon Ugly grabs hold of an edge.
Through the cracks, the demon Unlovable smirks with satisfaction.
Through the cracks, the demons try to rise and reclaim their positions.
The cracks start to close as the warrior peers down at them with her own smirk.
The cracks start to close as the warrior whispers to them, you will not win.
The cracks start to close as the warrior screams, this is only a glitch.
The cracks start to close as the warrior breathes out the negative.
The cracks start to close as the warrior whips the demons back with her strength.
The cracks are closed for now, but the warrior knows the demons are always watching.
The cracks are closed for now, but the warrior knows the demons will be listening.
The cracks are closed for now, but the warrior knows the demons are waiting.
The cracks are closed for now, but the warrior knows the battle is far from over.
The cracks are closed for now, but the warrior knows she will have to fight them again to keep them from coming through the cracks.
Daughter, I see your pain and I wish I could take it away.
Daughter, I see your demons and I wish I could fight them for you.
Daughter, I see your anger and I wish I could give you peace.
Daughter, I see you struggle and I wish I could you the tools to lift yourself up.
Daughter, I see you sadness and I wish I could make you smile again.
Daughter, I see you and I wish you could see the warrior within you that I do.
Daughter, I remember your joy and I wish you did too.
Daughter, I remember the fire that burned inside of you and I wish you could make it burn brightly again.
Daughter, I remember your smile that could brighten up anyone’s day and I wish I could see it more often.
Daughter, I remember the warrior that used shine through your eyes and I wish she could break free.
Daughter, I remember the fearless girl you used to be and I wish you could find her again to stand up to your demons.
Daughter, I remember the girl who loved fiercely and I wish you knew that we love you fiercely.
Daughter, I know that I cannot take away your demons, only you can take away their power by naming them.
Daughter, I know that I cannot take away your sadness, only you can do that by changing your mindset.
Daughter, I know that I cannot take away your fears, only you can do that by facing them.
Daughter, I know that I cannot take away your pain, only you can do that by acknowledging it and then letting it go.
Daughter, I know that I cannot take away your anger, only you can do that by realizing that it takes more energy to be angry.
Daughter, I know I cannot take away your struggle, only you can light the fire within and burn away the pain.
Daughter, I hope you know that you are worthy of happiness.
Daughter, I hope you know you stronger than I was at your age.
Daughter, I hope you know that you are beautiful on the inside and outside.
Daughter, I hope you know that capable of making your dreams come true.
Daughter, I hope you know you are a warrior who can win any fight.
Daughter, I hope you know that you are loved beyond measure.
So many times I have heard, you will meet your soulmate one day and you will be so happy. I have seen evidence of people around me who are obviously with their soulmates, and I wonder how they knew. I have felt a connection to people throughout my life, but I did not feel they were my soulmate as in the way described in the movies. Then I began to wonder, do we have one soulmate or can we have different types throughout our lives? Is there one type or are there many types? There are many references out there to the different types of soulmates, but this list is one that spoke to me. I do believe we may encounter many different types of soulmates. Some are lucky to meet all in one right from the start, while others like myself need to meet them separately until my soul is truly ready for the divine love.
The Friend Soulmate
This one is pretty easy to understand. These are the friends that get you. These are the friends that help you the most through difficult times, because they speak truth and remind you to be true to yourself. These are the friends who have been around a lifetime, who even after not seeing or talking for what seems like ages, that you can let down all your guards. These are friends that come into your life during the most difficult times and help guide you through to the other side. These are the friends that you meet by chance, but as time goes by becomes a trusted friend and ally. These are the people in my tribes.
The Affair Soulmate
This is the person that comes into our lives, usually in the form of a lover for a short period of time, but remains in your life after as a friend. You share a connection with this person that is positive and beautiful for both people. You learn important lessons from each other that helps you both on your journey. I know I have had at least one of this types of soulmate and he continues to be a positive force in my life after many years. He is still my friend and in times of doubt he is able to remind me that I am worthy of love. I believe this is what my next type of soulmate will be, because even though I am more awakened I still have some lessons to learn and this is what I want at this point on my journey.
The Stranger Soulmate
These are the souls you meet in passing. These are the souls who may say only one sentence to you, but the meaning behind it is powerful. These are the souls who may have known our soul from past lives. These are the souls who may be the hardest to remember after they have passed through our lives so briefly. I am sure I have meet these souls on my journey, because I recall times of thinking how did that person know I needed to hear that. Maybe it in today’s world, it is something I read on social media that sticks with me throughout the day.
The Teacher Soulmate
This type of soulmate is the ones that teach us the hardest lessons. They bring out the good and bad parts of ourselves. In my life, they are the ones who feed my demons, often for years. My two most significant relationships as an adult were most definitely teacher soulmates. Teachers souls will never see you as an equal. This was so very true in my experience and when my inner warrior tried to show them we were equal, she would unleash the demons in them to “put me in my place.” I have learned some hard lessons from both of these souls. I have learned a great deal about what I want and how I want to be treated from these souls. I have learned from these souls, and even though they caused me a lot of pain, I am forever grateful for those lessons. In the end though the ending of these relationships have propelled me on my journey, with last ending being that one that finally released my warrior and has put me firmly on my path.
Divine Love Soulmate
This is the soulmate that you see in the movies, read about in the books, dream about as child, and hope that you meet. This is the soulmate that takes the best parts of all of the other soulmates and wraps them up in one beautiful package. This is the one I saw in others and was jealous, but now realize I had work to do before I found my divine love soulmate. This is the one that I have not meet in my life, but I hope to find on my journey. This is the one that I am not ready for at this point, because he is waiting for me to learn a few more lessons. This is the one that will not search for, because I know in the divine plan we will find each other when the time is right. This is the one that will tear down those final bricks in my wall, because they will be worthy of seeing the warrior in me. This is the one that will walk beside me, encourage me, support me, and set the world afire with me.
Many soulmates have come into my life and changed me. Many soulmates have left their mark on my journey through this life. Many soulmates have helped me find me in the process. A few more soulmates will be part of my journey. A few more soulmates will help me learn some lessons. A few more soulmates will lead me to my divine love soulmate. My divine love soulmate is somewhere out there waiting. My divine love soulmate is pulling me forward. My divine love soulmate is calling out to my warrior to keep fighting. My divine love soulmate will come when the time is right.
In the meantime, I will continue to open up my soul to receive love by simply sharing my love with others. I will continue to look for the magic within people, and share mine with them when they are willing. I will continue to be true to myself, and share my truth with others. I will continue to honor my warrior spirit by going forward on my path with trust in her to lead me. I will continue on my journey, because I am worthy, I am enough, I am strong, I am beautiful, and I am loved.
Being vulnerable by definition means you are capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt. This hurt can come in forms of physical or emotional pain. This hurt can come from strangers, people you know, and people you love. This hurt can destroy your spirit or break your body. This hurt can prevent you from taking chances and missing out on greatness.
What the definition fails to mention that being vulnerable can bring you great things, amazing people, love, peace, and happiness. Being vulnerable means speaking your truth, because your truth is the authentic you. Being vulnerable means opening up your spirit to happiness, but being able to be at peace if that happiness doesn’t happen. Being vulnerable means opening your heart to others, so that you can learn from them. Being vulnerable means being brave enough to go after what you want, even knowing that you will not always get the outcome you want. Being vulnerable means standing up for what you believe, even if it means people turn their back on you. Being vulnerable means sharing your story, so that you can heal. Being vulnerable means being scared, but doing it anyway.
This week alone, has challenged me a few times to be vulnerable. I have been challenged to be vulnerable about sharing my story with others, but more important with my daughter. I have been challenged to be vulnerable by saying that I can no longer be friends with you if you choose to defend hatred. I have been challenged to be vulnerable by sharing my feelings with somebody who I believe was put on my path for reason & that I could learn more from, knowing that I could be rejected. Each of these times made me shake a little. Each of these times took a pep talk from my inner warrior. Each of these times made me grow a little. Each of these times made feel more confident. Each of these times made me more true to myself.
I was vulnerable this week. I was brave this week. I grew this week by being true to myself. That does not mean that with each instance of being vulnerable that the outcome was always positive. That does not mean that with each instance that there weren’t consequences. That does not mean that with each instance there wasn’t a little sadness and disappointment. It does mean that I was true to myself. It does mean that I spoke what was in my heart. It does mean that I tried. It does mean that I was vulnerable and that was a huge step forward on my journey. I am willing to continue to be vulnerable because I know that that is the part of the path to joy, empathy, belonging, courage, growth, authenticity, love from others, but most important of all, love of myself.
Go out today and be vulnerable.